There is no shortcut to emotional healing. The only way we truly heal is by feeling the pain until it slowly lessens.
I know it’s tough, but running away, covering it up, ignoring it, or numbing it, won’t make it go away. That’s just like taking a painkiller, the issue remains and when it wears off the heartache comes back with a vengeance.
When it comes to emotional suffering and heartache, the only way through it, is to face it full on. You have to feel it, cry it, talk it, analyse it, learn from it, talk it some more, cry it again, write it, burn it, cry it until you have no more tears and learn to live with it for a while until it slowly starts to leave you. This is the only and the shortest way to heal properly from heartache and loss.
Intimate relationships are like a drug, we become hooked on the feeling, addicted to the habits and behaviours that we have shared maybe for years or decades and when it ends, it’s like an addict going cold turkey, we get hit with the excruciatingly painful withdrawal symptoms. Most people rush to replace the feeling with somebody else, in an attempt to make the pain go away, but that’s just like an alcoholic switching from gin to whiskey, just another way of numbing the pain, but it won’t make the cause of the pain go away, and so you are just delaying the healing process.
The hardest way is the best way, and the hardest way is to sit with it. Sit with the pain, own it, work it out and cry it out. And by all means, above all, learn from it.
Relationships are the most important means of personal evolution that we have. When they fail, there is always an important lesson to be had.
Never mind who was to blame for the break up, whatever happened there is always something we could have said or done differently. Ask yourself what is life trying to teach you. Take responsibility for your share in the failure and make a mental note to try and correct those behaviours next time round. This is how we slowly become better versions of ourselves. If you do this, you will one day be grateful for the pain because it made you a better you.
Above all, never seek revenge, even if the other person was clearly wrong and purposefully hurt you, be glad that you are no longer together and walk away. Never lower yourself to somebody else’s poorer standards. Always take the high road whether the other person deserves it or not. Revenge is not your job, the laws of the universe take care of that for you, sooner or later everyone gets put in their right place, and those that are unkind, selfish or disloyal will have to face the consequences in their own journey. Good luck to them!
Use your energy instead to heal, to rebuild, to nurture and love yourself. I have always thought the best revenge in any case, is to learn to be happier than before.
If you are going through emotional suffering, just know that as painful and dark as it seems right now, it will pass, and I can assure you that if you do it right and you focus on what’s important, the light at the other end of the tunnel will be brighter than anything you have ever experienced.
You will be proud of yourself for doing things with courage, with kindness, with integrity and with compassion and everytime we make the right choice, which is often the toughest, we make ourselves more powerful, never forget this.